We’ve all been there. You’re in some class that your major requires you to take, surrounded by 34 other bozos who are all just trying to get by. You do your best to simply show up, takes notes, and pass the class; when suddenly, your whole world changes. Your professor forces you to actually MAKE CONTACT with some of the other people in this class who you DON’T EVEN KNOW in order to do some sort of group project. Greattttt. Here we go again.
Unfortunately, the best advice I can give in this situation is to work hard and try to get along with everyone. Some professors really try to gauge how much effort each person put into a group project and base everyone’s grades off of that, while others simply give a flat group grade. Either way, you’re better off doing as much work as you can. So, while you’re taking a break from all that work, enjoy my take on the monstrosity known as a “group project.”
1. The moment the professor announces that there will be a group project.
2. When you see the names of the other people in your group.
3. The initial meeting.
4. When the roles of each team member becomes apparent:
The Team Leader
Little Miss Bossy
The Team Cheerleader
The Person Who Agrees with Everything
The Kid Who Has Excuses for EVERY Group Meeting
The One Person Who is Just Kind Of…There
The Kid Who Actually Does What They Say They’re Going To Do
The “How Can I Help?” Guy
5. The first time you attempt to work on the project and you realize you’re in way over your head.
6. When you meet with your group a second time and you realize you’re down to half of the people you started with.
7. All Nighter #1.
8. When you sneak a peek at some of the other groups’ projects and you realize how terrible both your group and your project are.
9. When you meet with your professor to calmly “address some concerns” you might have with your group’s ability to complete the project in a timely fashion.
10. When the professor assures you that everyone else is going through the same feelings right now and that you’ll get it all done.
11. All Nighter #2.
12. When you’re just so done with the project and you realize there’s still so much more to do.
13. The day before the group project is due when everyone is freaking out via group text/e-mail thread.
You want to be like, “THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING FOR WEEKS.” But instead, you’re just like:
14. All Nighter #3.
15. When you give in and decide to go to sleep for two hours, wake up early, and finish the project.
16. WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND YOU’RE SO FREAKED OUT THAT THE PROJECT ISN’T DONE SO YOU JUST JUMP OUT OF BED AND START WORKING BECAUSE YOU JUST HAD TWO WHOLE HOURS OF SLEEP AND OMG YOU’RE NOT SURE IF YOU’RE DELIRIOUS OR YOU ACTUALLY HAVE ENERGY BUT OMG THE PROJECT IS DUE IN FOUR HOURS.
17. The sweet, beautiful moment that you thought might never come when the project is actually complete, and you just kind of stare at it in disbelief.
18. When your group asks to see the project before you turn it in, and they all thank you for your hard work.
And they’re waiting for you to thank them for their hard work, too.
19. The sense of relief you feel when you hand in the project.
20. That first long nap you take after the project is over.
21. When the professor tells you that you will be evaluating your team members based on their performances.
22. When people from your group still try to get everyone together after the project is over. Um, no.
23. When you finally receive your grade.
In the end, somehow, it all seems worth it. You remember that you’re in school to make good grades, earn a degree, and find a solid career. More importantly, it’s obvious to others who the hard workers are in life. If you’re one of those people, you’ll go far. If you’re a slacker, well, I’ll take my fries Super-Sized, thank you.
What are some of your group project horror stories? Share them with the hashtag #BanGroupProjects2014 and I might retweet you!